If only she knew
by wicked-ohyeah
Summary: POV of Jackson and Alex as realization of their feelings for April dawned on them
1. Chapter 1

**_Disclaimer: Still not mine and never will be!_**

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_Jackson POV_

"So you had sex with your mom's spy, didn't you?" April asked Jackson, except it didn't sound like a question at all. They were sitting at a table in the cafeteria, Jackson was a little suprised by April's burst of courage. Usually she would never ask him that kind of question.

"What? No. I did not have any sexual relations with that woman!" He replied, trying to be as serious as possible. He didn't know why but he wanted her to believe him, okay maybe if he was honest with himself he did know why. He just wasn't ready to admit it to himself yet... if ever.

April just rolled her eyes at him "of course you didn't." She replied her full of sarcasm. "You know when somebody says that he did not have sexual relation with someone it just means that he did in fact!"

"Who did not sexual relations with someone?" Alex let out carelessly, sitting next to April. He didn't sound like he cared to have the answer to that question at all, so Jackson was wondering why he was asking in the first place. He really wishes Alex would go away. He had so many reasons to hate the guy but they got that weird "friendship" going on, so whatever. Lately he really wanted to spend more alone time with April, he really didn't know why though. Most time he was already with her if he wasn't by Sloan sides. He didn't even know how it all started, all he knew was that now he noticed the way her hair shined, her perfume, her smile, the way she would laugh. He noticed fucking everything and it was driving him insane. Not that he minded, he always thought that she was attractive but when in the hell did she get herself stuck in his head so much!

"He slept with his mother's english spy" April answered Alex's question. She said it in a way that he couldn't discern, maybe she was disappointed in his action or maybe she really did not care. Jackson wondered which one was worse.

"Way to go man! She was freaking hot!" Alex exclaimed with his mouth filled with a bite from his sandwich.

"Of course you would think so! She was an attractive young lady some would say, but that doesn't mean that you would be oblige to have sex with her! And don't be gross Alex swallow before you speak!" Was April jealouse? Jackson got a bit of hope. Maybe she didn't want him to be going around fooling with other girls 'cause she wanted him as much as he wanted her. Or maybe he was just freaking delusional and was reading way too much into her answers.

"Stop being such a freaking virgin Kepner!" Alex retorted "Let the guy have some fun!"

"Dont talk to her like that Karev." Jackson always had the urge to protect April since the first day they've met, but now that urge got even bigger. And the reason for that did scare him a little.

"Whatever" Alex lamely gave back.

"Does it bother you?" Jackson asked April.

"What?" April asked back confusion written all over her face.

"That I slept with her?" Jackson would get the answer he has been looking for one way or the other. He just didn't expect to find it while having Karev sitting across from him.

"No, why would it?" There was nothing giving away what she did really feel and Jackson felt a wave a disappointment wash over him. "I mean if you want to, then it's your perogative but you could do it with someone you really like or even love. That is all that I'm saying." April finished. Maybe there was hope.

"Now you got to agree with me! She's a total virgin!" Alex shot back after April explanation.

"Watch it Karev" Avery warned.

"What I'm just saying Kepner, he tried that, we both did, and look where it got us. Nowhere that's where! If not into a deep pit of hurt and despair. So if he wants to screw anything that was on his way why not let him?" Alex said, revealing a bit of his feelings the only way that Alex Karev could. There was a pause in the conversation, everyone lost in their thoughts. Jackson did pity the man a little bit. Alex went through a lot of crap in his life. Before he would've agreed with that logic but now, not so much. He could blame the longlasting feeling that he was developing for April for that.

"Yeah well maybe, who am I to tell you what to do? I was just showing my concern for you that's all" It was all April said before returning to her lunch. Munching mindlessly on her vegetables while reading a medical magazine.

Jackson didn't say anything, anyway he didn't know what he could say at this moment. He just looked at her, she never realized that she was being watched. He liked her a lot there was no denying that, hell he could say that it was more than that. He loved her.

He surprised himself at that thought. At the exact moment that came the realisation he looked up to see Karev watching him. He had a smirk on his face as if knowing exactly what went through his head.

He was in love with his bestfriend who had no idea of his feelings. He had no freaking idea of how he was going to deal with it and Alex Karev seemed to have his suspicions about it.

He was royally fucked.


	2. Chapter 2

_Alex POV_

Alex was standing in the cafeteria line waiting to pay for his lunch. He was mindlessly looking around when his eyes fell on Kepner and Avery. They were talking animatedly, laughing about something and whatnot. He didn't know why he felt a pang of jealousy in him. Seing her being so happy and carefree with Jackson while when she was by his side it felt like she was on nerves and trying to protect herself with an imaginary wall. Those moments just did something to him that made him want to make Jackson's life miserable, so he decided to join them.

"Of course you didn't. You know when somebody says that he did not have sexual relation with someone it just means that he did in fact!" He heard April say, he had to join the conversation, even just to rub Avery the wrong way.

"Who did not have sexual relations with someone?" He said while sitting next to April. Not that he was totally interested to know the answer but it might pay off for the futur. He really was trying to figure out why he had the need to drive Jackson to the brinck of insanity. He tried not to think about it, but something was telling him it was a mix of April and jealousy. But whatever he never gets jealous it was a waste of emotion, not that he cared about emotions anyway.

"He slept with his mother's english spy" April answered his question. Maybe this conversation would help him more than he imagined. He didn't know how yet, but he could sense that Jackson didn't enjoy where this conversation was going for more than the obvious reasons. All he needed was to find the way to use this to his advantage.

"Way to go man! She was freaking hot!" Alex exclaimed with his mouth filled with a bite from his sandwich. He may not totally like the guy but he did win big on that one and needed to be congratulated.

"Of course you would think so! She was an attractive young lady some would say, but that doesn't mean that you would be oblige to have sex with her! And don't be gross Alex swallow before you speak!" What was Kepner freaking problem, so the dude had sex with some girl what was the big deal? Maybe she liked him more than she would let on. That though let a bitter taste in Alex's mouth and he did not like the fact that it might affect him more than it should.

"Stop being such a virgin Kepner!" His first response was always an insult. He regretted it the moment he saw the flicker of hurt in April's eyes. If he wanted to be honest with himself he would admit that he really liked her and maybe it was his way to keep himself away from getting into another tragic love story. And truthfully he kinda respected her choice of waiting for the right guy. It would've been him if he didn't blow it. The feelings of shame and sadness went through him. "Let the guy have some fun!" If he couldn't get her to be with him maybe he could keep her from getting with Avery. He felt like he was a total twisted mess.

"Dont talk to her like that Karev." Jackson always protected April. Maybe he should back off a bit. But he felt like it was his only way to let her know that he was interested in her and to have her attention. He wasn't exactly the freaking prince charming. It seemed that he didn't fit the image that April has made for herself of what a man should be. A strange feeling of hurt and disappointment flooded him.

"Whatever" Alex gave back, he didn't care. He did not care of the effects of what he would tell April. And certainly did not care about her...at all.

"Does it bother you?" Jackson asked April.

"What?" April asked back confusion written all over her face.

"That I slept with her?" Where Avery was getting at? Why would it bother her? Alex asked himself those questions while having an idea of the answer. He just wasn't sure that he wanted her to confirm his fear. She might love Jackson. He tried to stay in denial instead, it would hurt less. If she didn't want him that was one thing he could deal with. But if she had the choice and she decide that Jackson would be the preferable choice, that is one thing he's sure he couldn't get over. That scared him more than anything else ever did.

"No, why would it?" April asked back.

Alex couldn't get anything from April. When did she become such a freaking master of masking her emotions?

"I mean if you want to, then it's your perogative but you could do it with someone you really like or even love. That is all that I'm saying." April finished. Maybe that situation was hopeless.

"Now you got to agree with me! She's a total virgin!" Again trying to hurt her before she hurt him. It was a reflex he couldn't control as hard as he tried.

"Watch it Karev" Avery warned.

"What I'm just saying Kepner, he tried that, we both did, and look where it got us. Nowhere that's where! If not into a deep pit of hurt and despair. So if he wants to screw anything that was on his way why not let him?" He knew he revealed way more than he usually does. But maybe he was trying to let a message through. What message he didn't know. Maybe one pleading her to give him a chance to redeem his past and to be good to him though she had every reason no to.

"Yeah well maybe, who am I to tell you what to do? I was just showing my concern for you that's all" It was all April said before returning to her lunch. Munching mindlessly on her vegetables while reading a medical magazine.

Alex stayed there frozen, lost in his thoughts that he wasn't really sure he wanted to be in. He wanted to know what she was thinking, what she was feeling, the meaning of everything she said, so he wouldn't be left guessing about her feelings.

Then something inside him jolted. He felt something close to joy. He had a surge of hope. He tried to convince himself that he might have a chance. Something told him that maybe this time he could give in completly and to not be scared. It's April, how bad can she really be.

"Oh crap" Alex thought, out of everybody I had to fall for Mary freaking Poppins

His eyes fell on Avery. He had an intense gaze on Kepner that said too much to just be completely platonic. He gave Jackson a small smirk letting him know that it would be war.

Then he realised that maybe that was a really bad idea. Jackson fitted the charming prince way more than he did himself. And he already had a good relationship with her. As opposed to him.

Ha fucking a!


End file.
